Jayfeather Reads: A Vision of Shadows
by Wandering Snowleaf
Summary: Because why not react to the most recent series as it come out.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome all to "Me Reading Warriors: _A Vision of Shadows_ , book one _The Apprentice's Quest_." This is a blind reaction *cough* no pun intended, but I have no idea what the book will be about except for that it takes place after _Bramblestar's Storm_ and I assume some apprentices are going on a quest from what I can derive from the title of the book.

Anyway, just like everybody else in ThunderClan, we've all been super hyped for this so without further a do, let's get on with the book.

Allegiances

...

Curses... already I find something that's not right. Why the heck is Leafpool's name above mine? In Bramblestar's Storm, she was below me, heck she shouldn't even be a medicine cat anymore and now it looks like I'm her apprentice all over again. Grrr, ok let's keep reading.

…

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And I see Briarlight is still listed as a warrior. I would have thought by now we would have another title for her like 'the cat who stays in the medicine cat's den but isn't a medicine cat.' Maybe in this book she will become my apprentice and the story will revolve around her struggles as a cripple and she is the apprentice who has to go on a quest. Now that would be a great story.

…

So Littlecloud still hasn't found another apprentice? I wouldn't put it past Erin Hunter to have him die off without an apprentice and make me or Leafpool responsible for training a new ShadowClan medicine cat. Calling it now! Just remember I said it first!

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Hey look, there's a cat named Jayclaw in RiverClan. Was he there in Bramblestar's Storm or is he new? Every Clan should have a cat named Jay-something; Jay is by far the best name ever!

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And there are no cats outside of Clan in the allegiances? I find that odd since someone is going on a quest, right? Are we never meeting a single other cat on the journey?

…

Well that's the allegiances, time to get to the prologue. I'm super hyped.

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Oh cool, new maps. I forgot this comes before the prologue. I liked the old version more, but eh, I won't complain. The Moonpool looks huuuuge now, is it really a lake? And where is the tree-bridge that connects to the island?

Prologue

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 _Jayfeather scrambled up the slope that led to the Moonpool, his paws skidding on the damp stones._

OH SNAP, it's me! I'm in the prologue! Sweet, I could read about myself all day. I guess Erin Hunter realized making a new protagonist would confuse the readers so is just sticking with me and Lionblaze. You ever notice how in each series, the number of protagonists increases by one? For example, there was only Firestar in the original arch, and two protagonists per book of The New Prophecy mixing between Brambleclaw, Leafpool and Squirrelflight. And in Power of Three... You get it, let's keep reading.

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Okay, so Leafpool is already being obnoxious chattering about catmint. What's new?

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 _The powerful watery scent of RiverClan swept over him..._ Watery scent? Is that a thing?

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And now I'm thinking about Half Moon. Of course, can't have a Jayfeather without bringing her up. I'm glad Erin hasn't made me forget about her.

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Ha! I so totally called it, Littlecloud is rasping. Tactical plot device incoming!

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So StarClan has sent all the medicine cats a joint dream-sign? Pshhh, a reminder that I lost my powers to walk in other cat's dreams. Thanks, Erin for that, I really needed it. I bet she knew I would read this and that was there just to get under my fur. Grrrr.

…

And even Blackstar is there. He was a cool cat, but as far as epic deaths go... mmm, drowning is pretty epic, right? Sorry, you can't read sarcasm, but if you could, my words would be dripping with it. Let's keep reading.

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" _I suppose you can go ahead and speak for us all this time," Leopardstar remarked dryly to the flame-colored tom. "You're obviously planning to anyway."_

Of course he is, silly Leopardstar. Erin Hunter has made it clear over and over again that Mary S- *cough* Firestar is the most important and modest character ever. Why wouldn't he speak for all the Clans? Silly Leoparstar...

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Did I really growl at Kestrelflight to 'spit it out?' Why would I do that when he's my bae?

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And yes, I agree with myself when I'm worried about there being another prophecy. Wouldn't it be a clever and new idea to have cats do things _without_ any prophecy? I mean, our ancestors are great and all, but isn't the whole prophecy just a really old and overly used trope at this point? I love how I make fun of how obscure the prophecy is right to Firestar's face. That is so me.

…

Oh snap, there is another living cat among the medicine cats? I bet it was Mothwing finally believing in StarClan and the book revolves around her new-found beliefs and the issues that arise because of it. Calling it now!

…

Well, that's the prologue, y'all. It was good as all of Erin's work is. I'm so happy to be reading about myself again! Anyway, if you want me to keep reading and writing about what I think about it, post something in the reviews and I will.

And for all you smart-rumps out there, I'm reading the braille version of the book so ha!


	2. Chapter 2

Jayfeather, here. I got nothing interesting to say apart from thanks for all the support. I'm not as goos a writer as Typholius since I can't see the keys, but I don't give half a mouse-tail as long as somebody is reading this.

But enough chat, let's get on with the story.

Chapter 1

Um, that's not me. What happened to sticking with a character everybody already knew? And who is this Alderkit? This series is starting off with a completely new character that nobody knows anything about... At least in _Omen of the Stars_ we knew about Dovekit and Ivykit from the last book of _Power of Three,_ but this time it's POOF new cat!

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At least, unlike my kithood, you don't have to read about how foolish Alderkit was, chasing after foxes and the such. Oh wow, this takes place way after _Bramblestar's Storm_ if Sorrelkit, Hollykit, and Fernkit are getting their warrior names.

Nvm, Alderkit is just as foolish, he thinks you have to pass an assessment to be made an apprentice. Has nobody ever told him how this works, or is Erin Hunter just trying to add words to the chapter because she ran out of original ideas?

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I already don't like this new character, he reminds me too much of the good dinosaur with all of his young misplaced fears. I hope the perspective switches up throughout the book like it has in the last three series.

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Sparkkit looks fine, I wouldn't mind following her around... not like that! I mean from her point of view, not literally follow her around, you creep!

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Dandelionkit and Juniperkit? I'm almost glad they died, those are terrible names. So terrible, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out they were fan-given.

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 _Lionblaze is a bit scary, though. Alderkit suppressed a shiver at the sight of the muscles rippling beneath the the golden warrior's pelt._

Jeeez, that's my brother you're writing about, Erin. Why you have to get so disturbingly creepy about it. Pshh, just be glad you're not my apprentice, Alderkit. If you are so afraid of rippling muscles, then you better stay away from me. *Flex* Oh yeah, so strong!

...

Well, it's practically tradition now, so Alderkit is mistakenly called Alderpaw before he gets his apprentice's name on the second paragraph from the bottom of page 10. Just pointing that out. Let's continue.

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Somebody give this cat some herbal tea, he is really freaking out about this apprenticeship. I know I wasn't this terrified for my apprenticeship. Good dinosaur all over the place...

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" _Today, you're going to make the elders more comfortable by getting rid of their ticks."_

Really? I hate this so much! This exactly what happened on my first day as an apprentice. Are the first few chapters just going to be full of boring rubbish that doesn't help the story progress at all? I mean this is how you bore cats into becoming medicine cats!

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The Great Storm is what they are calling the events of Bramblestar's Storm now? It says here that Dustpelt died during the Great Storm, but I thought he died fighting badgers.

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De-ticking Graystripe and Sandstorm feels wrong. Even though they are now elders, it just feels awkward.

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Oh hey, it's me again. I'm talking with Leafpool about something... Oh dear, now me and Leafpool are staring at Alderpaw for some reason. This is completely out of the blue and I honestly have no idea why they, erm, _we_ are interested in this little cat.

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Well, that's the end of this chapter. It was surprisingly short, and I don't really have too many comments about it. It's a solid story so far- Erin isn't swaying at all from the standard Warriors formula. I just wish I were the main character... *grumblegrumble*

Review for more!


	3. Chapter 3

I know there is one question burning on all of your minds. The one thing that makes your tales curl with uncontainable curiosity...: how does a cat read braille? Well I'll tell you. I'm about to blow your mind. You read? Okay, her I go:  
by rubbing a paw over the dots sticking off the paper and associating it with sentences that create the story. Mind blown yet? No? Oh fine, I'll just get on with the next chapter.

Chapter 2

Awww, poor Alderpaw is missing the nursery. The apprentice's den is so different from where he used to sleep. The moss, the dirt- even the bracken are sooooo different. *cough* sorry, internet sarcasm.

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Why does Erin always make littermate so different from one another. Just look at Cinderpelt and Brackenfur when they were young. Or Squirrelflight and Leafpool. Or even me and my littermates. Erin went out of her way to make Alderpaw and Sparkpaw as different as possible, and I can only wonder where that will take them both.

...

Hang on a sec. You mean to tell me a whole day has already past since they were made apprentices and only now they are getting to go out and see the territory? The entirety of yesterday was spent cleaning up elder poops and putting mouse barf on ticks? Brightheart would approve... inside joke...

...  
 _...trees stretched away in every direction, until they faded away into a shadowy distance._  
I may not be all that great a writer, but I find some of the descriptions in this story to be a little off. Erin always describes things in excessive detail and after a while it can get old. I don't want a whole page of what shape the clouds are or whatever, thanks.

I know I wasn't as naïve as Alderpaw is when I was an apprentice... just saying.

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 _"It leads to the old twoleg den where Leafpool and Jayfeather grow their herbs..."_  
Ahem, excuse me? That path leads to where _I_ grow my herbs. It was _my_ idea to start with and _I_ take care of it. You make it sound like I'm still her apprentice...

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 _He would never have believed there was this much water in the whole world._  
*sigh* Really? It's just the lake. Honestly, has this apprentice been living under a rock? First he thinks there is an assessment to become an apprentice, and now this. I really don't like this character so far, it feels like Erin is making him stupid on purpose, but I don't know why.

...

Okay, I dislike Sparkpaw just as much so far. Erin has intentionally made her the opposite of Alderpaw and sacrificed genuineness for cheap contrast to Alderpaw's character. All Erin knows when writing apprentices is eager and bash versus timid and reflecting. I don't like...

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 _"You should be able to pick up the ThunderClan scent markers too," Mousewhisker mewed. "We'll show you how to set them..."_  
You piss all over a bush. That's pretty much it.

...  
 _Alderpaw and Sparkpaw stood side by side, their jaws wide open as they drew in air over their scent glands..._  
Interesting way of saying they tasted the air. Mmm, the taste of mouse on the taste glands in my mouth, oh yes, such great description... sorry, internet sarcasm again.

...  
"What?! Sparkpaw catches a shrew on her very first try? Really!? That's bogus, no way she can do that unless she has some magical power like is able to run super fast or something. She must be part of a prophecy because only gifted cats can accomplish anything on their first day out in the forest...

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Why is Alderpaw so much worse at everything than Sparkpaw? Oh no, is what I think going to happen actually going to happen. StarClan please no. I already had to go through that once myself, I couldn't bare to read about it again... Erin... please... I beg you...

...

And the next few pages is of Alderpaw feeling sad that he isn't as good a hunter as his sister. Nothing noteworthy for me to talk about.

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Hey looky looky, it's Ivypool. First mention of her in this book but I bet she will have an important role in the story just like me. After all, we were main characters in the past so its not like Erin will just forget about us or make us useless background characters, right?

...  
Okay, so I get that alderpaw sucks at hunting. But Erin is milking it so much as if she really is trying to kill Alderpaw's desire to be a warrior entirley. It's been seven pages since Sparkpaw caught her shrew, and we are still making a big deal over it. Wow, the chapter is done. Heh, okay.  
My thoughts on the story so far: It's still pretty standard to the Warriors formula. So far, there isn't really anything that makes this story stand out from among the other Warriors stories. Hopefully Erin will bring more interesting elements to spice things up, but until then, Jayfeather out!


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome back, everypony *cough ***** every _body._ Sorry, not sure where that came from, to another chapter filled with fun as I delve into the wonderful world of Warriors. I don't have anything else to say, so let's just dive right into chapter 3.

Chapter 3

And it's already half a moon later since the last chapter. Wow, time flies when you have no original or interesting content left to inject into chapters. Granted, in _Into the Wild_ Erin also leapt forward in time with Firepaw's apprenticeship so it's not too astounding. Ughh, this far into his apprenticeship, the first words we hear about when it comes to his progress should not be about cleaning the elder's den. Come on, Erin, what is up with that?

…

And Alderpaw still hasn't caught anything yet. But apparently his sister is doing fabulously. _But just because she is brilliant at everything, doesn't mean I'm aweful..._ Um, sorry, friend, you really are the worst. Heck, you might make a better medicine cat at this point.

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Oh, it's a Gathering chapter. Those are always fun to read. Good job, Erin, page 38 and we're already getting a Gathering. Can't go wrong with Gatherings.

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And now we are talking about medicine cats... why? There are two fat paragraphs about RiverClan medicine cats that visited the camp moons ago, and it feels forced. I'm starting to worry, guys...

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Flinching at the hooting of an owl. Yeah, he is real warrior stock for sure... Oh wait it gets better. We have to hear him talk to Squirrelfight about owls huge enough to snatch up cats in stories. Great, just when I thought Alderpaw had grown a pair, he does this. I swear if the next paragraph has owls in it... okay it doesn't. Thank StarClan, these random non-sequiturs are annoying. Continue...

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Okay, the next few paragraphs isn't about owls, but about fireflies. Gotta love this filler when you are waiting for the actual meat of the chapter. Bring on the Gathering!

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Sorry, listening to Squirrelflight reprimand her kits and telling them they have to behave _perfectly_ makes me laugh. Do you remember Midnight? Or even Moonrise?

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Oh, before we get there, I'll bet you a moon's worth of fresh-kill there will be a some sort of debacle at the tree-bridge. Erin can never resist making cats either fall off or almost fall off. I haven't read ahead, I'm just betting ahead of time.

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Okay, I take back my complaints about the random filler as we travel tot he Gathering. Most of the time, the books don't describe the trip to the island, but since this is the apprentice's first time, I guess it makes sense. We just passed the horseplace... marshy ground... and finally the tree-bridge. WindClan is already there. Here it comes...

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Oh shut your yap, Onestar, with your gruff manner. We all know you secretly love ThunderClan so stop trying to act cool in front of us. _"I hope your warriors kept close to the lake when you passed through our territory."_ Pshhhhh. Load of mouse-dung that is. Hey Onestar, do you remember how we all foought together against the Dark Forest and even had cats from enemy Clans stationed in each other's camps during the fight? Yeah, you didn't care if they respected the border then, did you? No? I didn't think so.

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Ah, here it is: the crossing of tree-bridge... _I wonder if any cat has ever fallen into the lake. That would be so embarrassing._ Yes, Alderpaw, cats have. You probably will too... No? Damn, there goes a moon's worth of fresh-kill. You may have won this time, Erin Hunter, but I'll catch you out one of these times.

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" _I've never seen so many cats!"_ I should have bet on that too. Dung, nub apprentices are always astonished by how many cats are at Gatherings. Soemthing along the lines of "Oh golly, I didn't even think there were that many cats in the whole world," or something like that. You know what I mean.

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Okay, who are we going to be flirting with this time? I may have missed the last betting, but this time I'm betting we are going to meet another young apprentice from another Clan, preferably of the opposite gender, and spend the rest of the Gathering with her. Calling it now!

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" _I'm Needlepaw," the silver she-cat announced. "This is Sleekpaw and that's Beepaw."_ A she-cat you say? Oh isn't that convenient because Alderpaw is a tom... Okay, I'm cheating a little bit because I skimmed forward just to check how long we would be with this Needlepaw character and, yup, it was 59 paragraphs. All the way to the end of the chapter and we are still cuddled up snugly next to this she-cat. I won the bet this time, Erin and your clichéd predictability. Ha!

Okay, back in time to where we left off with Needlepaw. I don't want to skip anything good.

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I swear, this Beepaw, I keep reading it as Beerpaw, and I don't even know what a _beer_ is. Eh, sorry, just me thinking about nonsense.

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Ok, now we are getting into the cat's version of racism. I really don't want to explain it, but if you have the book handy, start reading about half way down on chapter 47. Needlepaw is making stereoscopes about the other Clans- granted, most of them are accurate, but still.

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And Rowanstar is starting the Gathering, okay good. It's been a while since Bramblestar's Storm and I'm ready to find out what's been happening in the Clans. What? You think I already know since I actually live in the Clans? Nah, I left the main story arch after the end of _The Last Hope_ when I discovered Erin Hunter was taking away my powers. The Jayfeather you are reading about in the book is a partially functional clone from the past that I put there while I starred in another book called _Jayfeather's Conclusion._ Don't believe me?

I still think Blackstar was a way cooler leader than Rowanstar. It will take some time to get used to the change. I mean, when Leopardstar died and Mistystar became leader, it was alright because Mistyfoot was still a character we all knew about and could relate to. But Rowanclaw or whatever his warrior's name used to be was just a random ShadowClan cat. Sure, he's Tawnypelt's mate, but that doesn't mean we know him as a character.

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Oh snap, speak of the devil. Needlpaw claims that Tawnypelt called WindClan weak. Has the cold north breeze chilled Bramblestar's sister's heart too? That sounds really out of character.

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Bramblestar is speaking now... he just announced Sparkpaw and Alderpaw's names to the rest of the Clans. Alderpaw is embarrassed- of course he is. Why be proud when you can look and sound like a wimpy loser?

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Needlepaw won't shut up. Every few sentences she speaks up to bad-mouth someone. When in doubt creating a new character, just make her sassy, snarky, and insensitive and voila! New 'interesting' character. Good work, Erin.

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Just a quick observation, there's a new apprentice in ShadowClan named Juniperpaw. It's a good thing Squirrelflight's kit, Junpierkit died, otherwise there would be two apprentices right now named Juniperpaw. It' still a terrible name...

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Now cat's are complaining that cats like Tigerheart are too young and inexperienced to be receiving apprentices of their own? What is this crap? They are plenty old. Besides, Firehearta nd Graytripe where just as young if not younger at the time when they received their first apprentices.  
Remember? Yeah, Fireheart's apprentice nearly died on the thunderpath and Graytripe neglected his apprentice because he was always running away to be with Silverstream... Okay, maybe I see the point now.

But really, these cats are making a huge stink about this when it isn't unheard of for young successful warriors to be made apprentices early. Erin, why you making this all so awkward?

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We are making a point about how odd Needlepaw is. We keep bringing her up as if she is the main focus of this Gathering. Erin, you really aren't being subtle at all. This is exactly hat happened with Lionpaw and Heatherpaw back in the day and then again with Dovepaw and Tigerpaw.

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Oh, goody! They are talking about meeeeeee! So the medicine cats have something to say? Oh, they are going to talk about the shared vision they- _we_ all had in the prologue of the book.

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 _The clamor grew louder and louder until Jayfeather stood up, lashing his tail. "For StarClan's sake, shut up and listen!"_ That totally sounds like something I would do! Oh, reading that gave me chills!... that's it? I'm not saying anything else? Sadface.

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Oh, I don't think I even mentioned the actual prophecy before so here it is. _Embrace what you find in the shadows, for only they can clear the sky. Mysterious_ and vague as always. It obviously has something to do with ShadowClan because that's _obvious_.

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Ugghh, these cats are all clueless when it comes to prophecies. I love how somecat points out the prophecy could be referring to ShadowClan, and then instantly some ShadowClan elder is like: " _What should be embraced is a bit more respect for senior warriors."_ Seriously? Can cats really be this dumb?

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Oh no it gets better, another cat is like, " _I found some really beautiful blue feathers that I decorated my nest with in a shady glen. Do you think they could be important?" These_ cats are severely stupid. No, the prophecy doesn't have anything to do with some feathers you found!

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Okay, now everybody is spouting ideas. Of course they are. See, this is why one of the medicine cat rules is you don't expose a prophecy to the rest of the Clan until you have figured it out- otherwise this happens...

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Well, I get to talk a little bit more near the end of the chapter, sounding all smart and everything, but not much else happens. All the Clans know about the prophecy now, I don't know if that will vastly change the flow of the story or not, but they do. Note, Leafpool hasn't spoken a word this entire Gathering.

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Well that's it. The chapter ends with Leafpool staring intensely at our protagonist from the base of the Great Oak. Again, I don't know why she is doing that, but eh, Erin Hunter folks, Erin Hunter!


	5. Chapter 5

I found the book. Lionblaze was borrowing it and never put it back. You can imagine me groping around clueless because I'm blind and all. Anyway, I'm back and this kind(and dashingly handsome) tortoise has permitted me to keep using his account to post on.

Chapter 4

 _"Alderpaw, will you concentrate?" Molewhisker gave an irritable lash of his tail. "Any kit could learn this move."_ Wow, that's harsh. It's been so long since Alderpaw was made an apprentice and he still sucks at just about everything. And he doesn't even have an excuse like "I'm blind" or anything, he just sucks for suck's sake.

...

Molewhisker really is an awful name when you think about it. Especially when you think of the other definition for the word 'mole'.

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 _Alderpaw knew exactly why he couldn't give all his attention to training. He couldn't shake the uneasy feeling Leafpool's gaze had given him the night before at the Gathering._ Ok, good. That means I'm not the only one who thinks Leafpool is weird- but still, that doesn't explain anything. Alderpaw has been sucking since day one. What was the reason for his awefulness before?

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Alderpaw can't hunt good and Leafpool keeps staring at him. That seems to be the theme for the chapter so far.

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 _"Alderpaw, you need to pay attention. A cat that can't hunt is no good to his Clan."..._ feelsbad man, feelsbad.

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This is getting old super fast. We get it! Alderpaw can't hunt! Just send him to the elder's den already where all the other useless cat's go!

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Sparkpaw tries to comfort Alderpaw but it feels off. It's as if I know that Erin Hunter wrote their brains and is forcing Alderpaw to be bad at hunting just to make a plot device. pshhh.

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And a couple paragraphs later, Leafpool, me, Molewhisker and Bramblestar have decided Alderpaw will be a better medicine cat... wow, this is really rushed. And the way it is written makes it seem that Molewhisker is so fed up with his useless apprentice he's just like "Take him. I can't teach him anything and I hate his guts. Maybe he will be a better medicine cat." Ughhhh, everything is happening so fast.

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HA! It says that me and Leafpool saw Alderpaw's new destiny in a vision. That's hogwash! Plus, wouldn't that just be his only destiny not his new one if he was never destined to be a warrior anyway? And damn StarClan for corrupting another poor innocent cat's life. This is what I can't stand about our warrior ancestors- when they stick there noses in our business and force cats to be things they never wanted to be. Yes I'm biased!

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And it's settled. StarClan decreed Alderpaw would be a medicine cat and now he is. I can't get over how much I hate this. Oh, by the way, you should look up **Moonkitti** on the youtube for her video named **Alderpaw**. Sums up everything quite nicely.

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I can't say I'm surprised that Alderpaw is becoming a medicine cat, but there are already two full med cats in the Clan... I would have preferred for one of them(preferably Leafpool) to die or something before they-we took on an apprentice. Who's apprentice will Alderpaw be anyway? Mine or Leafpool's? I hope he's mine, I would work his paws so hard they turned into stubs. I would be an awesome mentor! *insert evil laugh here*

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- _but Alderpaw was sure that Jayfeather, who was always so snappy and bad-tempered, didn't really want him there..._ Damn. I've become the new Yellowfang... You know, there's a difference between sarcastic and bad-tempered. I'm a realistO, I say it how it is. That doesn't mean I'm bad-tempered... at least not to the extent that every cat seems to think I am... CAN WE PLEASE JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY?!

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Wow, almost forgot that in the cannon, Briarlight is still a cripple. In the real and _better_ story, _Jayfeather's Conclusion,_ I fixed Briarlight moons ago.

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 _Why can't I just be a normal and good warrior apprentice like Sparkpaw? Cuz_ Erin's a ! #$%. nuf said.

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Ughhh, I'm not going to go into details, but I am just so grumpy all the time and Leafpool is so cheerful- at least in Erin Hunter's version. If every chapter from here on out is just grumpy me and happy Leafpool, this is going to get old super fast...

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Oh and apparently, Leafpool's been looking at Alderpaw awkwardly because she thinks he can talk with SatrClan in his dreams or something.

...

And the entirety of the rest of the chapter is me being grumpy while I teach Alderpaw stuff about herbs. Honestly, I feel like this plot is too similar to the early plot of 'The Sight' but who am I to judge? I'm just a blind cat after all.

Well, that's all folks!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

So apparently it's now been several sunrises since the last chapter, but already our favorite protagonist already has a firm grasp on the names of some of the herbs. The first line is him giving some tansy to Dovewing for her sore throat. And StarClan forbid Dovewing have any kind of important roll in the story- after all she was only the savior of all the Clans in the last series.

….

And Erin Hunter has completely forgotten Dovewing is even there after the first paragraph. I'm reading ahead just to see if Dovewing is mentioned at all and nope. It never says that she left the medicine cat's den, but she also never says another word or is mentioned by the others. Good job, Erin Hunter, you done goofed again.

….

Well, at least we are acknowledging Briarlight. Jayfeather tasked Alderpaw in tossing a mossball for the crippled cat to catch so she could get some exercise. It's a decently good scene I will- oh snap, I just realized I'm starting to refer to the Jayfeather as if he isn't me. Sorry, I will try to not slip up again.

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I actually seem upset that Leafpool is off helping Littlecloud in ShadowClan. I forgot how odd the cannon Jayfeather is some times. The real me- _me_ could care less what she was doing. In fact, I really wanted the opportunity to shine as the only med cat. Was a little dissapointed when I read in _Bramblestar's Storm_ that Leafpool was being made a med cat again...

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And insert emergency here. Cherryfall is hurt in the woods. I wonder what this means for our young protagonist. Hold on, let me read on before I say anything else...

…

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Mmm, okay. So apparently Cherryfall and Sparkpaw went off towards thetwolegplace on the border with ShadowClan and Cherryfall slipped and cut herself on some twoleg rubbish.

Can we stop to analyze this whole situation? Firstly, how does a cat trip and impale iteslf on anything? Cat's are immensely graceful in real life. Erin Hunter makes cats seem so clumsy sometimes. Don't get me started on the whole 'cat falls out of tree and dies or breaks leg' because real cats can fall immense distances without even getting a cut, but in these stories, cat falls a couple mouse-lengths and there is gushing blood...

Also, it says that I struggle to move quickly through the woods because of my blindness. I'm pretty sure this isn't true at all. I don't even have to evaluate on that because it's just bloody obvious that Erin likes to make a fool of me.

….

And that's it. That's the whole chapter. We get Cherryfall back to camp and I tell Alderpaw to take the rest of the day off... Yeah, what a boring chapter- oh AND DOVEWING MUST STILL BE IN THE MEDICINE CAT'S DEN CHEWING ON THE TANSY ALDERPAW GAVE HER because she still hasn't been mentioned again since the very first paragraph.

And in the final paragraph Sparkpaw calls Alderpaw a 'daft' furball. I doubt she even knows the definition of that word.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

And the first thing we read about in Chapter 6 is that the protagonist finally switches pov to Dovewing. It's about time we had a real cat to read about... nope... it's still Alderpaw. Did you believe me? You shouldn't have, Erin Hunter doesn't give two mousetails about Dovewing so neither should you.

The first few paragraphs are boring medicine cat stuffs, I'm not going to go into much detail. Leafpool is talking about how old Littlecloud is, and I am being sassy per usual.

…

And conveniently, tonight is the half-moon gathering for the med cats, so we will all get to see just how decrepit Littlecloud really is. Oh joy. Perhaps a ThunderClan cat will be sleeping in ShadowClan tonight to help him with his med cat duties. Just a guess.

…

Oh, and if you thought Alderpaw had grown a pair since he became a medicine cat's apprentice, think again. _What will I say to them? I don't feel like I really belong with them._ He's even a wus when it comes to med cat stuff. Oh, and Erin Hunter, I'm not a writer, but it really hurts a paragraph when you have two short sentences in succession end with the same word. Just pointing that out.

…

The heck? Apparently we are running out of catmint even though in the prologue, it was made clear we had plenty of catmint. Lionblaze, have you been getting into the catmint stash and getting high again?

…

The heck? And apparently there are moles in the garden now. It's not like the forest is crawling with mole-killing cats or anything... I really don't see the problem.

 **Oh, but Jayfeather, the prologue clearly says that they have plenty of catmint by the old twolegden. If it's being torn up by moles, then their actually is a catmint problem.**

Typholius? Get out of my story and stop messing with my writing. Even if the moles are tearing it out, why not just gather it there? It's not like the leaves will be less fresh on the ground as they would in the med cat stores. I still think Erin is just making this up as a painfully obvious excuse to send some cat to another Clan to fetch some- and I bet Alderpaw will be going with. Plot trope.

 **Ok, Jayfeather, just making sure you tell the reader everything. Wouldn't want you to leave important stuff out.**

Just leave.

…

...

I'm so grumpy... all the time... I'm frankly getting bored of myself at this point. If there's one thing I can't stand reading about its static characters. If the character isn't going to change or grow in someway, I can't stand reading about him.

….

Woah! POOF! We are now out of the camp and on the ShadowClan border. No page-break, or anything, just one paragraph the three med cats are chatting in the med den, then the next chapter Leafpool and Alderpaw are out of the camp.

…

And they run into a ShadowClan patrol. Tigerheart thinks the two med cats might be stealing fresh-kill... *facepaw* of course he does. I can't think of a more lame, unoriginal, and standard way of having him react.

…

Ooooh, and they are pulling out the 'you're related to Firestar' card now. Just when I thought it couldn't get any more unoriginal. This has been how ShadowClan reacts to ThunderClan for the past three series.

…

no... no no. . . nononono damnit of course that Needlepaw character is with them. I should have guessed. Now Alderpaw and Needlepaw are chatting as if they are good friends... and Needlepaw is surprised when she finds out that our protagonist is a med cat. Is Needlepaw going to say anything about how ShadowClan's med cat is dying? No? Oh of course she won't. Erin Hunter has already made it clear for the reader to know that, so why would she make Needlepaw tell her new best friend anything about it. This is where logic and literature conflict.

And btw, there totally was subtle cat-flirting going on between them. I've read enough of these books to recognize it when I see it.

…

And we are now on our way to the Moonpool. This chapter is all over the place.

…

 _-he realized they were leaving behind not only just their own territory, but the territories of all the Clans, and setting off into the unexplored hills._ They have been explored, Alderpaw. Maybe not by you, but plenty of cats have been to the Moonpool. Not everything is about you.

…

Ha! Sorry, the next paragraph made me chuckle. Leafpool is trying to be modest as she describes how she is the one who discovered the Moonpool in the first place and how Spottedleaf guided her to it. And even better, Alderpaw is like "Wow, that means you're really special!" How come Leafpool gets to be special and all I ever get to be is grumpy?

…

…

And Alderpaw is surprised at how well I can climb up to the Moonpool even though I'm blind. Huh, never heard that one before...

… And yes, Kestrelflight, it is odd that ThunderClan has three med cats now.

…

!#$ing #$ % #$%%### DAMNIT. NO !#$%# $%^^$# DAMN WAY. REALLY? LEAFPOOL GETS TO BE THE ONE TO DO THE WHOLE MED CAT APPRENTICESHIP THING IN FRONT OF STARCLAN INSTEAD OF ME? !#$! Oh boy, that pisses me off so much. This means I will never. NEVER get to introduce my own apprentice to our ancestors. Who the ! #$ does Leafpool think she is? So special because she discovered the Moonpool that she gets to do the ceremony for two med cat apprentices. I'm so !#$ing tilted right now.

….

In fact, the word "Jayfeather" isn't even used once on the same page. !#$ I'm not even mentioned at all for the rest of the entire chapter.

…

Oh and look who it is to greet Alderpaw from StarClan. Woopty !#$ing dooda, it's !#$ing Firestar again. Because you know, my dear dead sister isn't good enough to greet my new apprentice. Has to be damn Firestar again.

…. And spolier alert, in case you haven't ever read a Warriors book before, Firestar is showing Alderpaw a vision about SkyClan. Yeah I read Firestar's Quest and all of the others so I know what's going on.

… And that's the end of the chapter. Alderpaw decides he really is meant to be a med cat now that he's had a vision. Or at least that's his initial thought, but of course he has to doubt himself and is like, "maybe it was just a weird dream." Yeah, when you've figured out your own head, Alderpaw, get back to me. I will be being grumpy and useless in the corner if you need me because, after all, Leafpool is the _real_! #$ing medicine cat around here.


	8. Chapter 8

Welcome back, mouse-brains, to another installment of Jayfeather Reads. I know it got a bit dicey in the last chapter, and I apologize if I offended anybody. But damn it, I feel like the series has regressed so much since the glory days. Sure the story is very gorgeously written, but nothing is new or interesting. We just copying the plots and tropes of previous books and given a wimpy excuse for a cat as our protagonist. I don't care what WZRD LZRD says, this is a very bland and poorly conceived piece of literature.

Chapter 7

And as expected, Leafpool is mentioned before I am again in the chapter. Minor thing, I know, but when most of your life you've been belittled, put down, mocked, and devalued, sometimes it feels good to be the cat who's fought hard to get where he is. I was the medicine cat- the _only_ medicine cat for ThunderClan, and it felt really good. Now, not only do I share the position with a cat who severely broke the warrior code, but I'm back to being the lesser cat, the inferior side character to the actual story who's only purpose it to be grumpy while losing all the qualities that made me interesting before. That's why I pick at small things like this..

…

…

And we're back to talking about the dream from the last chapter. Of course Alderpaw has already dismissed it as just an ordinary dream(surprise surprise), oh wait no! He is just conveniently made not to believe it was real just so he doesn't tell me or Leafpool. _It's not even worth telling Jayfeather and Leafpool about. They'd probably think I was crazy._ No, Alderpaw, they would probably think you were a medicine cat's apprentice or something... oh wait, you are a med cat's apprentice.

…

Alderpaw thinks way too much about things.

…

And enter injured cat- Cherryfall! Welcome back to the med cat den. How convenient that both other medicine cats decided to go and collect herbs at the same time, that means we get to see if Alderpaw can apply some meds all by himself.

…

Ok, so Cherrypaw says her paw still hurts and is wondering if he can take a look at it, and the sentence Alderpaw delivers is this: _"Sure. But it's early days for it to heal."_ Is it just me, or is that a really weird and vague answer? I honestly am not exactly sure what it means. Cherrypaw sighs in relief so at least _she_ understood what it meant. Anyway, let's keep reading.

…

Good job, Alderpaw, you remembered comfrey is for pain. You are learning almost as fast as I did(not really, I learned everything overnight because I have the power of the stars in my paws). I would be proud of you if I didn't think you were such a lame character.

…

…. the heck is this? Really? Ugggghh... I just returned and I'm mad at Alderpaw for some reason. I quote " _Is it true what Cherryfall told me? Did you just give out a remedy without asking?"_ Um, excuse me, Alderpaw is a medicine cat, why shouldn't he give out a tiny bit of comfrey to a Clanmate in pain? The real Jayfeather(me) can be grumpy, I won't try to deny that, but usually its over something reasonable. This doesn't sound like how I would react at all to my apprentice. There has never been a medicine cat in the history of medicine cats to get angry at a med cat apprentice for giving out the correct meds...

...And now look what I did- I made poor Alderpaw feel bad for no reason. If Leafpool had been the one to show up, she would have been like "Alderpaw, good job!" but no, Erin Hunter seems dead-set on making me the most disagreeable character in the world.

…

...

Forget this, can I just skip this chapter? No? Pshh, fine, I'll keep commenting.

Jayfeather finally admits Alderpaw did the right thing, and as a reward, tells him to get some mouse-bile and de-tick the elders...

…

To find Sandstorm alone in the elder's den.

…

Read the 2nd paragraph down from page 95. Apparently, Sandstorm tells a joke, but I don't see it. Alderpaw seems to feel better after hearing said joke. Also, she tells him that they are kin, and he should feel alright telling her about what's troubling him. But both Jayfeather and Leafpool are also his kin. Why not just tell them instead?

…

…

And a full page and a half of gooey 'makes you feel better' from Sandstorm. Nothing interesting.

…

And then all of a sudden, Alderpaw blurts out the entire vision from the Moonpool. This is the 2nd time a vision has been blurted out to commoncats... and lo and behold, Sandstorm instantly blurts out everything about SkyClan.

...Oh I get it! We needed to make Alderpaw not believe his dream was a real vision or he might not have told anybody about it. We needed to make him forget that Jayfeather and Leafpool were his kin so he wouldn't confide in them. We needed to have Jayfeather send him to the elders den. And we needed to have all the other elders conveniently out of the elders den. Wow, everything worked out so perfectly, it's almost as if it was scripted... oh wait... it was.

…

Hehe, a little ways down page 98, Sandstorm is super close to saying to Alderpaw "You need to grow a pair of balls and stick up for yourself." She almost says it, but instead says, "You need to stop getting your tail in a twist." At least that's how I interpret it.

…

Jayfeather is all grumpy and impatient and Leafpool is all kind and patient. Alderpaw is telling them about the vision. Aha, _Jayfeather clawed at the ground in his excitement._ What is this? I never claw at the ground in excitement! Especially not over anything an apprentice could come up with. Just a really weird sentence.

...Ughhh, the next few paragraphs are intolerable. Jay and Leaf are telling him that his first vision was from the scene in the prologue. Leafpool even says that spotting Alderpaw in the vision is the reason she knows he is destined to be a medicine cat. She goes even further in say " _StarClan obviously has big plans for you."_

….

And Alderpaw thinks, _I wasn't chosen to be a medicine cat because I'm a lousy hunter- I was chosen because I have special powers!_ Actually, Alderpaw, it _is_ because you are a lousy hunter. That's why Molewhisker was so eager to give you up.

…

And Jayfeather and Leafpool are going to talk with Bramblestar about Alderpaw's vision, but Alderpaw isn't allowed to join them. Why not? Is it because 'insert convenient story trope here?' I bet it is. What could Bramblestar possibly tell the medicine cats that would be inappropriate for Alderpaw to hear?

…

And the chapter ends with Alderpaw being sad again now that other cats are dealing with his vision. A wonderful clincher to a less than mediocre chapter...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

 _Left alone in his the, Alderpaw..._ Sorry, I shouldn't have found this funny, but its the first thing I read and it gave me the giggles.

…

Again, Alderpaw doesn't know how he should feel about the vision he received. He doesn't like feeling important, and wonders what the other -more important- cats will do with the information he has given.

…

And enter injured cat Cherryf- no? Not Cherryfall? Oh, Cherryfall is telling him that Sparkpaw is hurt. Oh noz! Not Sparkpaw! Maybe she will get injured like Cinderpaw did and be forced to become a medicine cat too.

…

Ok, so the next paragraph says Alderpaw rushed out of the den and instantly started running towards the ShadowClan border. Does that mean they never used the camp entrance or something? I can imagine him just plowing through the bramble wall.

…

Hey look, it's Ivypool! Ivypool and Hollytuft(bad named cat) are with Sparkpaw. Looks like Sparkpaw really is hurt- her paw is pointed at an awkward angle- she really is going to be made into Cinderpelt number two isn't she.

…

Oh... it's just dislocated. Pshhh, forget that. What's the point of all the build-up just for nothing? We already know Alder can heal- he fixed Cherryfall up just last chapter.

 _"It feels so much better. Thanks so much, Alderpaw. You're turning out to be a great medicine cat."_

Ughhh, gag. There was no point to this whole scene- it was 100% filler.

Yup, and its already over and Alderpaw is heading back to camp. There was no point in that except to hammer in the fact that Alderpaw is a medicine cat to all the brain-dead readers who hadn't figured that out already.

…

As he's about to reenter camp, he sees Bramblestar there. He thinks he's in trouble again- of course he does. He should be in trouble for being such an uninteresting character.

…

...

And Bramblestar s like "the actually important cats told me about your vision. You have to go save SkyClan now because obviously that's what StarClan wants. Aparently, Leafpool Jayfeather, and Sandstorm all believe Alderpaw is destined to find SkyClan or whatever...

And now a few paragraphs explaining SkyClan...

…

 _His pelt was growing hot with anger at what SkyClan had suffered, and he dug his claws into the ground._ Oh please, Alderpaw, that's a bit of an overreaction. Nobody cares about SkyClan that much. Just look at the ratings and sales for anything SkyClan related and how it compares to the other archs.

….

" _But listen, Alderpaw. What happened to SkyClan is such a secret that only three living cats know about it: Sandstorm, me,a nd now you. That means you can't tell any cat what your real quest is really about- not even Leafpool and Jayfeather-"_ Fox dung to that! Just a few paragraphs befor it said me and Leafpool were completely on board for Alderpaw to go on this quest, and now all of a sudden we don't even know what the quest is about? Isn't that kinda something the med cats _should_ know about? And how the hedge does _Bramblestar_ even know about SkyClan? He was still a puny apprentice when Firestar went off to find SkyClan... All of this is bogus.

….

" _You just have to have faith in me," Bramblestar mewed gently. "Tellling the truth now would cause more harm than good-"_ Fox! #$ no it wouldn't! Nobody would even care! Well, I know what the  apprentice's quest is going to be about now. Only took 108 pages to make that clear. This book is only 296 pages...

And that's the whole chapter. A huge amount of filler leading up to an overly convenient and overly exaggerated conclusion. The stars had to aline perfectly just to make it possible for Bramblestar to tell Alderpaw about SkyClan. Don't forget the series of convenient tropes in the last chapter that made Alderpaw describe his vision to Sandstorm in the first place.

And I still can't figure out how Bramblestar knew about SkyClan. I want to belive Erin Hunter is just making that up so she doesn't have to actually work on a clever story, but I'm going to do my research before I post another chapter just to make sure.

-Jaybae out!


	10. Chapter 10

So turns out that Firestar told Bramblestar about SkyClan in that mediocre and not cannon at all story called _Bramblestar's Storm._ I should have remembered that. If you wanted to hear about plots conveniently lining up for tropey events in the near-future, you better believe Firestar- _Erin Hunter-_ only told Bramblestar about SkyClan so the events of _Apprentice's Quest_ would work out. That's the only reason _Bramblestar's Storm_ even mentioned SkyClan...

Chapter 9

…. Um... Sandstorm? Ha, this is funny. The first line of the chapter is Sandstorm _demanding_ she go on the journey with Alderpaw. No way in StaClan that's going to happen. She's an elder- and also like the 2nd oldest cat alive by the lake after Mistystar... oh wait, now that I think about it, when will Mistystar die? There's no way the RiverClan leader is going to survive this whole series.

…

Ughh, Bramblestar actually allowed Sandstorm to go... after like 5 paragraphs of them arguing.

And Squirelflight walks in and says some vague and generic stuff about how the jounrey will be dangerous even though she herself has no idea where they are going. First Leafpool and Jayfeather are like "sure, let's send the youngest apprentice in the Clan on a mysterious journey to a place we don't even know about." Now even the deputy is like, "sounds legit.

And what really makes me laugh is how Squirrelflight is shocked when Sandstorm declares she is going too. Not worried about her feeble son who has proven he can't even feed himself going on the journey, but she freaks over Sandstorm.

…

And how is the rest of the Clan expected to just let an elder and an apprentice just leave on a mysterious jopurney. Someone is going to have to go with them, right? And whoever goes will find out about SkyClan anyway, so what's the point in keeping it a secret?

…

Takes about a whole page to describe all the cats coming out of the various crevasses and holes to gather for the meeting Bramblestar just announced.

…

Listening to Bramblestar try to justify the quest to the cats without telling them squat about where the journey is going makes me purr in amusement.

…

Oh wow, it's not just one cat going with them, it's three others- Sparkpaw, Cherryfall and Molewhisker. How are we going to keep the secret about SkyClan when three more cats are going to find out about it... Unless they all somehow die... I would approve of that.

….

….

….

And now we are all about to leave for the journey. When you think about it some more, Sparkpaw and Alderpaw are currently the only apprentices left in the Clan... Damn, that means poor cats like me are going to have to clean the elders den... balls.

…

I'm giving the traveling cats some traveling herbs right now, and according to Alderpaw, I sound friendly? I wonder why. One can only be so friendly while giving out those disgusting herbies. I didn't even add nectar to the batch like I sometimes do to make it go down easier.

…

" _If this secret gets out, it could be devastating for the Clans."_ Are you sure, Bramblestar? It must not have been very devastating back in the day when SkyClan actually _did_ live with the other Clans. Are you saying cats were so much crueler back then that they were okay with just banishing another Clan. Why should cats today care anymore then the cats of the past did?

…

Oh snap, Alderpaw just wondered aboutthe exact thing I just pointed out. He thinks _But that was seasons and seasons before Bramblestar was even born. Why should he feel bad about it? It wasn't his fault._

Of course, when Alderpaw tells Sandstorm what he's wondering, she's just like- "Because Erin Hunter wanted it to be like that."

…

…. Ha! When Bramnblestar is sending Alderpaw and the others on the quest, the rest of the Clan turns to look at Alderpaw with respect and admiration in their eyes. REALLY? IS NOBODY EVEN SLIGHTLY CONCERNED ABOUT THE YOUNGEST APPRENTICE JUST WANDERING OUT ON A MAGICAL QUEST? I mean seriously? Erin Hunter is making so many cats act out-of-character just for the sake of the plot, and that really pisses me off. This doesn't feel at all like a good Warrior's story so far.

…

And there's a reference to the giant owl that haunts Alderpaw's dreams again. Page 119 if you want to find it yourself.

…

Wow, this is really happening. Bye Alderpaw! Have a goo time!(intentional misspelling there.)

….

So they are off in the woods now. When is Alderpaw going to tell his Clanamtes about SkyClan? He has to, right? Bramblestar made it pretty explicit that at least Sandstorm knows where they are going, so it is only fair that they all know about SkyClan at some point too.

…

…

Okay, I skimmed ahead and it looks like this chapter will be huge. I'm not going to comment on everything because almost all of it is useless filler, so I'll just write something if I read something noteworthy.

…

….

…..

So apparnetly, they are taking the path through the twolegplace instead of over the mountains. Why? Sandstorm doesn't even give a reason as to why she doesn't want to go over the mountains. It's new-leaf, it's not like the mountains are going to be snowy and hard to get over. In fact, they would be vastly safer than twolegplace...

…

Now they are at the WindClan border. No WindClan cats sighted, so we'll just cruise right by.

…

Sparkpaw shows off her vast intellect by being surprised that the journey is farther away than anything in WindClan. Because all that hype, all those traveling herbs, and the four cat escort was just to get Alderpaw on the other side of WindClan. GJ Erin for making cats stupider just to make a few more lines to fill your chapter.

...

(filler filler filler oh look, some twolegs filler filler filler)

…

…

filler

…

I hate this chapter. So much rubbish talking about twolegs without furthering the plot or adding character depth. They are already hungry even though they just had some traveling herbs and now they are dumping over the twoleg rubbish bins in search of food.

Yup, we are all eating rubbish as the chapter ends. THERE ARE TREES RIGHT BEHIND YOU, WHY NOT ACTUALLY HUNT FOR YOUR FOOD? No really, Aderpaw says he hears rustling in the trees behind him. Also apparently, he thinks he's being watched. In case you mouse-brains don't know what that means, it means there absolutely is another cat following them. Whenever a writer says, "i feel like we're being watched," it means they are being watched. It's a not so subtle way inexperienced writers can tell the reader that there is someone there without making the protagonist of the story know.

Hope you enjoyed my chapter 9 review. Review review review!


	11. Chapter 11

**"** **Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is best medicine cat of them all?"**

 **"** **That would be your mom, Leafpool."**

 **"** **! #$"**

 **Hey all you mouse-brains, Jaybae here ready to blow your minds with the power of sarcasm and guile. Sorry I haven't been posting very much, but that will change. Anyway, where did we leave off? Ah here, chapter 10.  
**

 **Chapter 10**

Days have already gone by since the last chapter. Alderpaw says he hasn't eaten anything since they chowed down on twoleg rubbish.

...

They all decide to hunt before they cross their first thunderpath. Seems reasonable. The closer you get to a thunderpath, the less fresh-kill is around _. Before Sandstorm had finished speaking,Sparkpaw plunged into the undergrowth and emerged a few moments later with the limp body of a vole in her jaws._ Come on, Erin, you really _really_ want the reader to know how perfect a hunter Sparkpaw is. We get it already!

And Molewhisker is trying to make amends with Alderpaw by trying to help him hunt- even though he made it pretty clear before that he didn't want to have Alderpaw as his apprentice. (but in his defense, who would?)

...

Ok, so it looks like there will be a few paragraphs, maybe even pages, of Alderpaw hunting with his x-mentor, and I'm going to make the guess right now, that he still won't catch anything at all. StarClan forbid that a character learns and grows in any way at all, right? Even _I_ caught something while I was an apprentice. You guys remember that? I think it was a mouse or vole, and it was possibly the best writing Erin Hunter ever made.

...

This is seriously embarrassing. One of Alderpaw's paws slips to the side as he's stalking a bird, and it flies off. Who even does that? Lame. And no, Alderpaw doesn't catch anything else the entire time. See in real life, a wild cat that can't hunt is doomed to starve to death. That means it is a genetically inferior creature that nature never intended to have survive. Survival of the fittest.

...

And we're off again. I'm surprised anybody actually thought the mouse Alderpaw was carrying was his own catch, when it was in fact Molewhisker's. Silly cats, its as if they never read an Erin Hunter book. (they all have, they're just pretending to be oblivious)

...

Also, I just realized its very late in the day. Why weren't they hunting earlier that day? Why is everybody so starving like they haven't eaten in days?

...

So they are at the thunderpath and Alderpaw still feels like they are being followed. Want to know why he feels this way? It's not because he hears something in the bushes. It's not because of an odd scent. It's not because he see's movement in the corner of his eye. It's because his pelt is prickling. Yup, you heard me. Prickly pelt means strangers are close by. You ever go to a Gathering and your pelt is just so prickly because you are surrounded by different cats? No? Yeah, me neither. Alderpaw is just a very strange cat.

...

So Alderpaw has never seen a thunderpath before? They've been traveling for days and this is the first time seeing one? Granted, I have never seen one either, but that's because I'm blind, but still! Apparently, it is very scary looking to him. There is even a one-eyed monster and it looks even scarier than the others. Damn, he must be horrified of Brightheart.

...

And the only way Alderpaw has the braver to cross is by remembering the cats in his vision to compel him to be brave...

...

So after many paragraphs of buildup, something flys out of one of the monsters and nearly hits the cats. Then another thing flies out and the cats get so scared they flee into the trees again. Sandstorm decides they won't cross tonight and will wait until morning. Sounds reasonable enough- except for the fact that every cat knows monsters are more active during the day. If they had trouble crossing at night, it will be near impossible to cross in the morning. Everybody is too tired to make a nest so they all just cuddle up together in a patch of ferns. How romantic. Alderpaw feels comforted by being pressed up against his sister- never mind, let's just keep reading!

...

So they wake up in the morning, catch some food(Alderpaw doesn't catch anything of course), and head for the thunderpath again. There is no mention of how many more monsters there are now that it is day, but apparently they are less scary in the light because you can see more than just their eyes. Hang on, how does that make something less scary being able to see more of it. Aren't monsters terrifying to look at? I would feel it should be the other way around, no that you can see them in all their terrible power. Eh, that's just me.

...

So the sound of monsters dwindles away into the distance and they run across, only to be ambushed by a huge monster that apparently nobody saw or heard coming. Come on, you just said the sound of monsters dwindled into the distance, like the word 'dwindle' is actually used in a sentence. How did nobody see this coming. Maybe my definition of 'distance' or 'dwindle' is just different from these cats'.

And of course, Alderpaw's instinct is to stop in front of the monster in fear. Again, survival of the fittest. It's pretty obvious that nature doesn't want this cat to survive, and frankly, neither do I. But then Sparkpaw shoves him along with her head and the monster roars past.

So unfortunately, they all make it across. _Alderpaw sat up, panting for breath. "Thanks, Sparkpaw, you saved-"_

 _His sister gave him a hard nudge. "Shut up stupid furball."_ See, even his own sister agrees with me that he is a lame character.

...

And then the rest of the day goes by and its raining a little bit. They find a place to make camp and Alderpaw is tasked on finding bedding for nests. He feels bad that he knows he will never be tasked on hunting, but then again, nobody cares.

They all eat and cuddle up in separate nests this time, I hope(actually, Alderpaw shared a nest with his sister again) and everything is just dandy before all of a sudden- there is a fox! Dun dun duuuuu!

And that's the end of the chapter. Hope you enjoyed and post a thing if you want more.


	12. Chapter 12

**You ever wonder why Erin puts the first few words of each chapter in italics? The first six words of the first sentence are in italics, but the last two words of the sentence are not. So odd, right? Anyway, I'm sure everybody is as eager as I am to see Alderpaw get mauled to death by this fox and the pov to switch to me.**

 **Chapter 11**

 _-He watched, stunned, as its wiry body leaped through the air and landed on Sandstorm-_ Funny, I wasn't stunned at all. There's like five cats here, of course it lands on the only elder in the group who we all knew it was a bad idea bringing along. I should have predicted Sandstorm would be the one to get attacked- but I didn't think even Erin Hunter would drop so low so fast. Why did the second sentence in the chapter have to be so clichéd? Ughh, anyway, let's keep reading.

...

It's funny, the next paragraph's first line is Alderpaw leaping onto the fox, and in the very next sentence is him being thrown off before doing any damage at all. Good try wimpy Alderpaw, you would have better luck chasing the fox off with icky herbs.

... holy, what? All of a sudden, he's dodging the fox's attacks and leaping around and landing blows of his own? Is this the same cat who has never caught a piece of prey in his life?

... okay, never mind. Now he's a wimp again and out of the blue, a whirlwind of fur emerges from he bushes and latches on to the fox. Of cousre, since we don't actually know who it is, we are just going to refer to it as 'whirlwind of fur' and 'ball of fur'. Oh, and don't forget 'strange cat' because why not? Hehe, we are going to call said cat 'strange cat' four more times before we finally discover who it is, because you know, cats that are fighting are indistinguishable.

And the dramatic reveal! It's Needlepaw! You remember that kinky ShadowClan she-cat from the Gathering? Yeah, it's the same cat... Ughh, and she's just as intollerable as ever with her sass and uppity attitude. Apparently she was hunting on WindClan territory and spotted the group of ThunderClan cats passing by. Of course she had to follow them.

...

There isn't much for me tow rite about, it's just an obnoxious back-and-forth conversation of "you can't come with us" and "you can't stop me." I mean, I don't mind stubborn cats, I mean, I was a stubborn cat. But I had a cool reason and everybody loves me. This cat is just stubborn for the sake of being stubborn and it just rubs my fur the wrong way. I'm so ready for somebody to say, "If you don't stop following us, we'll catch you and rip your throat out and feed it to you."

... And the conversation is now about the prophecy again, with the shadowy thing or whatever. Needlepaw is desperately saying ShadowClan should have some destiny part or something about it, I don't exactly know what she's getting at, but it seems to be making the others feel sorry for her or soemthing. Bottom of page 148. Oh, I just realized, we are exactly half way through the book. The book is only 296 pages long.

...

And now she's asking her furture-mate, I mean, Alderpaw if he thinks she should be allowed to come along. _He knew he shouldn't like Needlepaw as much as he did-_ Oh come on! Why you got to be so obvious?! The ThunderClan cats decide they will make the decision together just to fill up more pages with text. We all know she's coming along. She didn't come this far only to be turned around.

...

By the way, as we are discussing whether or not let this slexy apprentice join the group, Sandstorm is still bleeding to death- but hey, Priorities!

...

Heh, Sparkpaw is wondering if Alderpaw is taking bossy lessons from me when he tells Sandstorm to wrap the wound in cobwebs. Also, by the way, in real life, spiders don't leave webs all over the place. In fact, fun-fact, most web-making spiders will actually eat their own webs once they are done with them. How do I know this, you might ask? Because I'm a medicine cat.

...

And even though we just said we would agree as a group to decide, in the end, Sandstorm just has Alderpaw decide anyway. Why even write those past few paragraphs of discussion when we're just coming to the same conclusion as what we had in the beginning?

...

Needlepaw is coming with them. Surprise.

...

And Alderpaw remarks at how sleek Needlepaw's pelt is when they return to tell her their decision. He's looking deep in her eyes for some reason, but I'm sure we all can guess why. Eh, that's the end of the chapter.

I'll bet you a days worth of fresh-kill that Sandstorm dies of her wounds. Of course she won't die instantly- she'll have to say some noble and glorious rubbish before she passes as all great dying cats do in the series.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry, I lost the book again for the longest time. Doesn't help that Lionblaze likes to prank me by hiding my stuff in random places. Anyway, let's keep reading where we left of.

Chapter 12

So the entirety of the first page and a half is spent taking care of Sandstorm's shoulder. Oddly enough, she is still alive and even though she's an ancient old hag, she seems to be recovering with the help of my fantastic apprentice's medicine skills. Also so far, the word 'Needlepaw' hasn't been used once, so maybe she was just a bad dream and isn't with them... I wish.

...

Aww, Alderpaw used one of my favorite phrases. "You are fine when I say you are." Granted, I am not the original user of the phrase, I actually picked it up from Yellowfang, but I will take the credit.

...

Damnit, the word 'Needlepaw' was just used. Ughhh, I wonder how many intolerable morons we can have go on this journey. If only Berrynose went too, then the circle would be complete. What? Berrynose fans are reading this? Oh, sorry, I don't care.

...

Sparkpaw just called Alderpaw a ' _daft_ furball.' I still don't think she knows what that word means.

...

He, after Sparkpaw helps Alderpaw with a cut in his ear, she asks jokingly if she would make a good medicine cat. Alderpaw replies " _No way! But you're going to be a sensational warrior!"_ How much did Erin Hunter pay you to say that! Pshh, sensational is not the word I would have used. I would make a list of words I thought described her more accurately, but it would fill up most of the page.

...

Heh, the way Alderpaw and Needlepaw act when Alderpaw is offering to help her with a scratch on her back. _She wriggled uncomfortably._ I don't know if she's wriggling because she has a load of thorns jabbed in her back from the fight with the fox or because... of other more interesting reasons that involve the cute alder-flavored apprentice. I'll let you readers decide.

...

So Alderpaw gets the thorns out, Needlepaw praises him, he gets embarrassed, and then they split up into hunting parties. Of course, Alderpaw stays back with Sandstorm.

...

Wow, Spawkpaw has to watch out. Looks like Needlepaw is the new big hunter around. Catches a huge pigeon, a squirrel, and a fat rat(which she already ate). Hang on, let's break this all down. A squirrel is one of the hardest prey items in all the Clans to catch and kill. Same with pigeons, like all birds- are very difficult to catch. Needlepaw is a ShadowClan cat firstly, these critters aren't even her natural prey. Needlepaw has been made a god in just these few lines. But of course, Erin Hunter is just trying to show gender equality by saying she-cats can hunt just as well as toms. I'm sure that's all this is... don't quote me on that one, though.

...

And Sparkpaw is furious that Needlepaw already ate the rat before returning to the others, but really, she is just upset that a lowly ShadowClan kitty was able to catch more than her.

...

And after they are done eating, Alderpaw notices that his sister is missing. OH MY STARCLAN THE FOXES MUST HAVE COME BACK AND EATEN HER! Sorry, I thoguht the situation called for that. No no, in actuality she just went to take a catnap. They all decide to take a nap, and Alderpad realizes that the trip is taking more out of Sandstorm than the elder will admit. NO DUH!

...

And when Alderpaw goes to sleep, he dreams of SkyClan again. They are just as terrified as ever, in his dreams, as if they have been wiped out for the third time in their existence- I'm sorry, but this is stupid. In his dreams, Leafstar, Sharpclaw, Echosong, and the others are all just wailing "Help us help us!" into the sky. Like really, who does that? Who just yells "help us!" into the sky. That's a very non-Clan like thing to be doing. I know I'm thinking to much about this, but really, just stop a moment and examine this whole proposition... Okay, let's keep reading.

Also, this is some of Erin Hunter's most dissapointing work right here, making respectable cats act so foolishly. I don't care if you are dying or being attacked, or whatever, you DO NOT just screech at the heavens for help. Just poor writing.

...

So he wakes up and instantly tells Sandstorm what he saw in his dream. When Sandstorm agreees that they should get to the place in his vision as fast as they can, he thinks _Thank StarClan some cat gets it!_ Then again, if you told more than just one cat about your vision, maybe more cats would 'get it.' Why are we still keeping SkyClan a secret again? For the sake of SkyClan, wouldn't it be better if all the cats on the journey knew? Eh, that's just my opinion.

...

And by the way, Sandstorm's injury is infected and she's being a stubborn elder about it and saying it's not that bad(it really is that bad) and Needlepaw was listening to their conversation. What a wonderful way to end the chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

Hi and apologize to anybody who wanted me to continue working on this pile of mouse-dung we liked to call a story. Since I, Jayfeather, have already read the next book of the series, _Thunder and Shadow_ , I found it kinda silly to keep working on this story. Even though I still haven't completely read through The Apprentice's Quest yet(no really, I haven't finished the book yet, but from what I read in the next book I think I pretty much figured out what happens) I'm done with this awful piece of literature.

Best Wishes- Jaybae :3


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